50 Reasons Being Fit Sucks

Today I’d like to share my thoughts about serious disease that is taking over the world. This plague is hard to defeat and the person who gets infected stays ill for the rest of his life (well, in most cases). Call it whatever you want: “being strong”, “being lean”, “being muscular” etc. But for the sake of simplicity let’s call it “being fit”. If you are getting one or several, or all of these symptoms then you are definitely infected and there’s no turning back…


Arnold and Hot Chick

Just look how miserable he is.

50 Reasons Being Fit Sucks

1. Workers and owners of McDonalds despise you because you come there only for free toilet and never buy anything.

2. Your soul mate gets overly jealous and pissed off because of the increased attention to you from the opposite sex.

3. Your clothes get old and tight really fast and you need to buy new ones.

4. You can’t find clothes that fit. You either match the shoulder width or waist, almost never both.

5. You become antisocial and your friends hate you because you don’t eat that much sugar and don’t get fatter with them.

6. Your relatives think that you have some disease and that’s why you are not fat.

7. Everyone makes jokes of you because of all the calorie counting and food weighing. But they stop after looking in the mirror.

8. Older people say: “when I was at your age I did none of these things and was awesome”. But we both know that it’s a lie.

9. Every gym rat can’t go by without asking how much do you bench?

10. Everybody seeks your fitness advice and you are glad to help. But no one ever applies it (because it’s hard/time consuming/lifestyle changing/insert your favorite excuse).

11. When you come to commercial gym you want you rip your eyes off and plug your headphones as deep as possible so they touch your brain. Why? Because you can’t stand seeing and hearing so much bullshit.

12. Strength training is all about improvement. So you try to improve not only in the gym but in all areas of life. That’s how you lose friends that bring you down.

13. You are called stupid when you explain intermittent fasting concepts to people. Of course, without any argumentation.

14. When people see that you are standing on hands they ask: “why do you bother with it?” Overly brainwashed individuals can add: “does it build mass?” Then scenario is dual. If I like the person I explain all the benefits. If I don’t like him/her – they receive The Look.

15. Doctors and diet gurus find it hard to speak with you because your bullshit meter is much more solid comparing to ordinary people.

16. Your diet is much more expensive than anyone’s.

17. People say that you spend too much time sleeping, that life goes by. And after that they wonder why the hell you are so fresh, young and sexy while they are so depressed, tired and angry all the time?

18. Training sessions are holy. Some people may suffer because of it.

19. You don’t smoke and look not that cool.

20. You don’t need any fancy machines to have a great workout. Commercial gym owners hate you for that.

21. You have to train and eat right forever to sustain the results.

22. Your girlfriend/wife are jealous all the time. Even if you go outdoors for 5 minutes. I’ve said this twice but it really pisses off.

23. Your handshake is so strong that you crush bones in people’s soft hands and make them cry.

24. You can’t live a day without thinking about how you can improve your training program.

25. You never feel sluggish. You almost always full of energy. People hate you for that.

26. People around hide their food when you are near. They don’t want you to think that they are fatasses. It feels like some conspiracy.

27. You beat everyone in drunk arm wrestling and nobody loves you anymore.

28. Sometimes you can’t fall asleep because you are constantly thinking about training and nutrition.

29. Your photo hangs in every sugar-producing company and they hold two minutes hates on it daily.

30. You don’t smoke weed and missing all the fun.

31. You win the fights with bullies. That lowers their self-esteem even more.

32. You are not curling and benching every training session. How could that possibly be fun?

33. You don’t need to roll up your T-shirt sleeves to make the big biceps impression.

34. When you take off your shirt at the beach every other guy’s penis shrinks and they say something like: “All steroids”.

35. Here in Ukraine most of the people come to pull-up and dip bars to drink beer, wine and smoke cigarettes. They get sincerely astonished (and sad somewhere inside) when you use the implements actually for strength training.

36. Your grip is so strong that you break things and tear clothes unintentionally.

37. You are the one who always carries huge packs from grocery store.

38. You can’t pass by the pull up and dip bars without banging some muscle-ups/pull-ups/dips/whatever.

39. Your cholesterol levels are perfect despite eating 10 eggs per day. All the diet gurus simply hate you for this.

40. Your sex drive is always through the roof and you just can’t concentrate on work when your girlfriend/wife is within radius of 50 meters.

41. You need to stop yourself from training more. Otherwise there is no progress which is lame.

42. You can’t decide what is better Squat or Deadlift, Planche or Handstand, Kettlebell Snatch or Clean and Press, One-Arm Chin-Up or One-Arm Push-Up. This is unbearable.

43. Your maximum in Handstand Push-Ups bother you much more than who’s going to win in the presidential race. You are not politically conscious.

44. Your maximum in Front Lever Hold bothers you much more than whether Castle and Beckett be together in the next season. You have no feelings.

45. You’ve learnt Kettlebell Double Snatch and everybody hates you out of jealousy. Everybody knows how Kettlebell Double Snatch is awesome.

46. When gym rat comes to you with questions you really hesitate to speak with him, especially after that girly set of pseudo-squats with 50 kg and all the curling in power rack.

47. You train even in New Year’s Eve or Christmas if the program requires it.

48. In case of zombie apocalypse your intermittent fasting skills would be handy but only for 16-24 hours.

49. You know every AC/DC song.

50. The only answer you want to know is to the question “who could do more Push-Ups – you or Hemingway?”

Closing Thoughts

Congratulations if you made to this part. So being fit sucks? Not really.

As always thanks for reading. Share this stuff with friends, colleagues, spouses, lovers, just random dudes and dudettes, local bums and everybody who can be interested in this very useful and ground-breaking information.

Play rough!

Alex

Subscribe to my RSS Feede-mail newsletterFacebook page and Twitter for more crazy random shit.

P.S. What are your thoughts? Let’s chat in comments.

3 thoughts on “50 Reasons Being Fit Sucks

If you don't leave a comment, hair will grow on your palms